Debbie James and Peppy Santo have birthday's today and guess what? I never sent them a card... they'll be mortified.
Obviously not as much as Nathan Stewart, it's his 21st and I haven't given him a thought. What sort of 'friend' am I?
Katrina Fisher just had breakfast in bed served with Chamomile tea. How do I know?
I wasn't in the bed (in case you're wondering). It was all on my Facebook page.
It's a fantastic thing is Facebook. Every day I'm reminded that someone I don't know in a place I never heard of is having a birthday. Isn't that nice?
So, I send my congratulations only to discover they don't know me either. If they 'like' me they might become my 'friend'. I'm not sure if you can become a bezzie friends (like at school) and share secrets but you get the idea.
You learn some really interesting stuff about people on Facebook. Like where they are, with whom and for how long. 'Friends' love receiving this sort of information. Sometimes 'friends' fall to temptation and become burglars ransacking your home but hey-ho you can't please everyone.
Occasionally, when you're having a really bad day, receiving photos of a 'friend' sipping Champagne in on a Caribbean Island is somewhat irritating and ransacking can seem an attractive response but one must resist.
What I particularly like on Facebook are pictures of no relevance to anyone but the sender. Why would anyone want to see what a 'friend' had for dinner you may ask?
Well, no one wanted to see the Cheeky Girls but look what they did for the world of music. Mmm...maybe not.
Here's a thing. There was a time (not so long ago) when we held intimate conversations expressing our love for our partners. I believe we called it pillow talk and said things we would never breathe to another soul. Well not any more.
Today you blab it all over Facebook for everyone to read. This has a number of distinct advantages.
1. You can really annoy your ex.
2. If he/she doesn't read it you can be sure his/her friends will.
3. You demonstrate to the sad single people in your life just how 'happy' you are.
4. It makes neighbours really jealous.
If, however your relationship should subsequently falter expect nothing but derision and ridicule from the all of the above.
(Plastered all over Facebook of course).
Sorry, must go I have an omelette to photograph.
The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of wilmslow.co.uk.